learning science is a good thing
In yet another great discovery, scientists at D.U.H. have concluded that it’s really good to learn how things work.
Department spokesperson professor B.G. Brain said an exhaustive study of history strongly suggests that the most enduring cultures knew how to make stuff, like machines, vehicles, large buildings, and bridges that last a long time.
“Previously, many people assumed it was okay just to use things that other people made, or sell them. However, it became more and more clear with our study that in fact, it really helps a lot if young people learn how things work. That way they can grow up and make things to sell. We’re going to be alerting all our school teachers to this important finding, ” he said.
“Learning how to make things involves some adding and subtracting, and even more complex math like division, square roots, things like that”, he continued. “That’s going to mean some major changes in our schools, because a lot of students haven’t learned any of that when they graduate. Even some of the teachers don’t know about it. Some of the students and teachers have been working on the assumption that they didn’t need to really know how things work.
The D.U.H. reporters interviewed a number of students to get comments on this new finding. One senior student, who remains anonymous said, “wow, this sucks. I had planned to get an easy job, like selling stuff, or being a mayor, that paid a lot of money. I never imagined I might have to learn some mathematics.”
One teacher who was interviewed said, “this is going to make our jobs so much harder. All that math stuff is really boring. I mean, I just love reading about all the gizmos they make, and even things like stars, but I never thought it was useful to know how they work. From now on, probably we’ll be required to know it. I may not stay in teaching.”
Another student commented, “I’ve become an expert at pushing buttons. I was planning a career in it. Now I’ll have to take some extra classes in college, just so I can get out of school.”
A top economist was contacted for his input. He said, ” it’s about time we knew this. Maybe now we’ll get some economists who can do math, and some of them might even work for the government. If we made more things we could sell them to people in other countries and get more of their money.” ”We sure need it,” he added.
The D.U.H. presented it’s findings to the US Congress, causing quite a stir because many of the members didn’t know much at all about how things work. They were extremely distressed by this controversial study. It means that many of the young people might end up being smarter than anyone in the government. ”It’s a recipe for chaos and destruction of the social order”, one member said.
Another thing that the research showed is that we need people who know how to fix stuff, even stuff that other people made. That can open up a lot of new types of jobs requiring tools and additional schooling.
The D.U.H. spokesperson said, “this is an exciting finding. Up to now, if something broke, people just threw it away. It’s a real problem, because the dumps are getting very full. Imagine if we could fix some of the things. It would save a lot of money and landfills.”
Critics said the researchers were morons. “Why did it take so long to figure that out?”, one said.
