DUHspeak, simple language that confuses the brain

D.U.H., or the Department of Understanding Humans, announced today yet another one of their startling conclusions that resulted from one of their studies.

Their spokesperson said, “we discovered a type of language  we call DUHspeak.   That’s when someone says something that appears to be true or meaningful, but really isn’t.   DUHspeak also involves saying “truthful” sayings but not actually meaning it, such as “we should balance the budget.”   A lot of people speak DUH, especially politicians, lawyers, and bureaucrats.   Advertisers are also very good at this language, and there are some church leaders who have also gotten fluent in DUH.

DUH.speak can take a variety of forms.

For example, when someone says something very obvious, but says it in a very strong way    ( duh, as if we didn’t know already. )   Let’s say someone jumped up on a table in the mall and started yelling out, “Hey everyone, did you know the sky is blue?”   That would DEFINITELY qualify as DUHspeak.

However, there are many other more subtle  varieties of DUHspeak.    Here’s another example of DUHspeak.

“Americans all over the country believe…”     what does that mean?    If you say it right, you can imply that  MOST Americans believe, when it might be just a few here and there, but spread out “all over the country”.

Or, it can mean Americans like the person saying it all over the country.  ( and that’s the minority )

and besides, who are “Americans” ?    There’s a whole lot of different kinds of “Americans”

“So, it’s quite a strange language, ”    said the spokesperson.   Here’s another nice phrase from DUHspeak.

“We’re making progress and moving forward”    ( Do you know anyone who is moving backward, like towards birth ? )     and ” making progress” ?  at what ?  when ?

“You see,”  said the DUH spokesperson, “it can be very confusing listening to DUHspeak.   Many people simply fall asleep or go into a trance when they hear it, which is fine with the DUH speakers.

DUHspeak makes simple things much more complicated

The spokesperson from DUH continued to explain that this language has created a lot of problems.   For instance, when 2 or more DUH speakers are talking to each other, nobody knows what the hell any one of them is saying.   But, it sounds quite good anyway.    Now, this happens a lot, especially in governments.

We learned that there are even experts in DUHspeak who have long meetings and form committees, to determine how to say less with more words, and to make simple things complicated.    They have gotten quite good at it.”

The problem with DUHspeak”, he said, ” is that it’s terrible when there’s any kind of emergency or problem, when it would be especially important if communication was successful.

Learning to speak DUH is an educational advantage.

The DUH spokesperson said that many of the highest paid jobs require a fluent knowledge of DUHspeak, so more and more schools are teaching it, at younger and younger ages.

” The more we thought about it, the more bizarre it seems.”  he said, “It’s probable that in a few generations nobody will know what anyone is saying, and civilization will take a long break, even though, technically, they are all speaking DUH, nothing would get done, except hunting and fishing, where speaking DUH doesn’t matter much.

Tags: communication, DUHspeak, language, people

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